For The Lack Of

Posted on Tue Jan 2nd, 2018 @ 10:05am by Lieutenant Renee Salchin & Lieutenant Commander J'Loni Mo'Bri

Mission: https://wellington.pegasusfleet.site/index.php/sim/missions/id/4
Location: Engineering

ON:

Renee didn't sleep. Rather, she passed out for perhaps four hours after exhausting herself in her quarters, refusing to see anyone who came to the door. Which was why she found herself in a very untidy uniform sitting in the 'visitor's' chair in J'Loni's office at 0500, waiting for the chief engineer. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had tried to put on makeup, but hadn't done a very good job of it and though she looked decent, it wasn't... Her. She looked better than she felt, but not by much.

J'Loni was never up at 0500 but this morning she decided to get an early start. Entering her office she saw Renee, backing up, and nearly tripping over a chair, "Renee, what in the name oh Kahless happened to you! You look a sight!", she said. Sitting down, she waited for an answer. She could feel her emotions and had a pretty good idea.

Renee for her part didn't say anything for a few seconds and the silence dragged out, then she inhaled deeply, "I need a couple days out of engineering." She said, "I... I can't be here for a bit, I've got a lab to set up for my other work, so it gives me a reason why I don't need to be here because I just can't be here for a bit, so can I have a couple days?" It all just came out in one jumble to the point where J'Loni may or may not have caught much of it. Torment was in her psyche.

"Sure, but you are not telling me all of what happened Renee. You are forgetting I can sense and read emotions. Something happened last night. You have been crying and you didn't get any sleep. What happened?", she said.

"I broke up with Thomas." Renee sniffled and wiped away the tears that threatened, "He proposed, but I'm not ready for that sort of commitment. I couldn't do it, J'Loni, I just couldn't. I still love him, but I can't be with him right now.. I told him it was too soon and he didn't listen but I don't want to leave. And I don't hate him and I don't want YOU to hate him, but I can't be here."

"Renee, I can understand what you are saying, but to hate him? Never that hun. You are my kids and I am your mother figure and I will never hate one of you if you decide that you and Thomas need space. Breaking up with him...I don't know about...I know you still love him. I also know that it is killing him to see that he messed up. If I allow you to take up residence to make up this lab you are talking about, I need to know that I still can depend on you if I need you here in engineering whether or not he is here or not", she said.

"Absolutely." Renee said instantly, "If I'm needed here, it doesn't matter. I'll deal with that, but I just need a couple days to settle my brain down and get centered. And.. I need to set up my lab at some point," She took a couple measured breaths, "But, I think it's for the best right now that we're apart. I, he, if he can't listen to something like this, what about really major things? What if I.."

"Renee...stop before you regret it. I know you still love him greatly. I think that given time apart, he will come to understand that what he has done has hurt both of you in a way that only time will heal the wound", she said, only in a tone of that of a mother who talks to her daughter. I will talk with him as a mother talks to her son and we will see in time how things proceed. He still loves you and I have known Thomas many years and he will wait for you faithfully", she added.

"Then he can wait." Renee snipped without thinking, then stopped. "Time might let the machinery run and adapt, but sometimes you have to break the machinery to fix it the right way. I'm not perfect, neither is he, but he moved too fast, J'Loni, and I'm not going to run a race without knowing where the wall is. If it means I have to hurt some now to not hurt more later, so be it. But if a little hurt now means that later I can be sure I'm happy and with the right person, it'd be worth it."

"I think it would be worth the little hurt. Just don' t make
hard on him. At this point I think he regrets it more than you think. William went past his quarters last night and he thought there was a fight when he heard furniture breaking and him screaming how stupid he was and suddenly heard him sobbing.", she said.

Renee sniffed, then sighed, "I'm not going to rub his nose in it, but as one of my instructors at the Academy had said on the first day of his class: 'Life is not fair.' I'm sorry he hurts, I do too," She waved at herself, "And he... Brought this on himself by doing one thing I was not ready for, that I've told him a few times I'm not readt to. And I can't just say 'no' and go on as if it is all normal, because it isn't."

"Give it time. It easy to forgive but harder to forget. I know that saying better than most but time also heals wounds. I am sure he will give you the space but don't push him away completely. You can continue to be friends at least", she said

"Nooo, you don't want that." A little bit of not-destroyed Renee crept in, "I don't want that. He doesn't want that, at least that is if he wants to have any chance of us ever being together. If I Friendzone someone, that's it and the only way I can... I'm not ready to Friendzone him, not when..."

"So what are you saying?..You don't want to even speak to him? Renee are you sure that is what you want? To end it all right here" she said.

"What I'm saying is he and I need to just be coworkers for now." Renee said softly, "Have some time to let things settle down and maybe... Start over again with him. But I can't just jump right back in it with him at this moment. Not ending it, just thinking."

"Okay Renee, if that is what you want, I will have no choice but to go along with it. I just hope you two can work it out. Good luck Renee and do the right thing", she added.

"Thank you, ma'am." Renee gave a smile, then it froze, she had said to Thomas that she'd see him in the morning, "But... I'll have to set up my lab after the morning brief... I... Told him I'd see him in engineering this morning and I wouldn't want to be a liar." While her smile was still there, it started to fade in her eyes.

"I understand Renee. We will all be there", she said. "Now, go and get fixed up before the briefing", she added.

Tag

Lt. Cmdr J'Loni Mo'Bri
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Wellington

Lieutenant Renee Salchin
R&D Engineer
USS Wellingyon