Filling in the blanks

Posted on Fri Feb 8th, 2019 @ 12:28pm by Lieutenant JG Siobahn Fallon & Ensign Andrew Gervais

Mission: https://wellington.pegasusfleet.site/index.php/sim/missions/id/5
Location: Lounge

Siobahn finished in sickbay and made her way straight to the lounge, grabbing a drink from the bar before she scanned the room, looking for Andrew. Finally spotting him sitting at a table alone, she walked across and slid in across from him. "So?" she prompted gently.

Andrew sighed.... He couldn't believe that of all people, Paul would be trying to keep them apart. Sure, it was a different Paul. But even his would have been more reasonable. "He told me he doesn't want me joining him."

Siobahn frowned slightly, turning her glass in her hands, watching the liquid swirl. "Did he give you a reason?" she asked gently.

"Because he already lost me once. He doesn't want to go through that again. Even though it doesn't have to be that way for either of us."

Taking a sip of her drink, Siobahn held the glass in one hand, reaching across to cover his free hand with hers. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "So what do are you going to do now? I mean, do you agree with what he says?"

"I don't... I think he's wrong. He keeps saying that the Paul in this reality would do the same thing, but I don't think he would."

"I guess I can kind of understand where he's coming from," Siobahn said softly. "I mean, you've lost each other once in your own respective realities, what if it happens again? How would you cope being in a reality where even though you are surrounded by some familiar faces, they aren't the people you really know... and then on top of it all, you lose your lover for the second time. First time around it would have been hard, could you really face doing it all again?"

Andrew paused a moment. Admittedly he had never thought too much of that. He just knew how he had felt the last day or so, and it was nice to get back to something resembling normal. He felt comforted around Paul. Even if it wasnt the one he knew. I mean sure saving the Federation from annihilation was good too but..

"It's just been comforting to have him here again, I guess." Andrew replied. "I know it's stupid. I've been reminded of that quite a bit. But... I'm not as empty as I've felt the last 2 months."

Siobahn sighed softly, withdrawing her hand and picking up her glass, sipping slowly at the liquid within. "I know," she said gently. "But could you really cope with losing him again? Or dealing with the knowledge that he might have to go through losing you again?" She stared intently into the glass, trying very hard to avoid all eye contact, which was quite difficult given the intensity of the conversation they had fallen into. "Maybe it's best if you both walk away to your respective realities, say your goodbyes, make your peace, and remain where you belong."

Andrew exhaled quietly, reflecting on what had been said. The idea of this all over again? Maybe this Paul *was* right. It just all seemed so much simpler. Even though they'd only spent a few hours together over the last while, everything felt all right. Perhaps it was time to give him up, but how? "The goddamn of it is you're probably right... I'm just so tired of saying goodbye to him."

"I know," Siobahn said softly. "But don't think of it as goodbye... no matter how much you want to think it is, he isn't yours. He isn't your Paul..." She paused for a moment, taking a sip of her drink and then staring at the liquid in her glass. "Andrew, I have no doubt that he was incredibly shocked to see you, and that he cares very deeply for you considering your previous involvements in both realities, but he isn't your Paul and you aren't his Andrew. You can't just pretend like nothing ever happened. You've both been hurt by experience and neither of you want to go through it again."

"My Paul never left instructions of any kind for what to do if something like this happened." Andrew said. "Makes me so damn mad sometimes. It's as though he just expected I'd somehow just be able to carry on. From him. How could he have been so foolish to underestimate what this all would do to me?"

"That's the sad thing about life, it doesn't come with instructions." She sighed softly as she watched him, clearly struggling with indecision. 'Imagine how this feels for him?" she finally posed gently. "I mean, he thought he lost you, he no doubt grieved for you and dealt with all those emotions, and now suddenly your back... the biggest difference between your reality and his is that he will likely have to bury you all over again. What if that happens? If he came here and died and you had to part with him again, imagine the heartache you would feel? And our reality is no where near as war torn as theirs..." she finally finished gently.

Andrew nodded disappointedly... "Yeah. Maybe it is a bad idea." he said. "Probably for both of us. There's a few things that would complicate that."

"Are you going to see him again?" Siobahn asked curiously. "Before they go back?"

"Yeah.... I will." Andrew said. "I guess at least this time I get to say goodbye."

"Spend what ever time with him you can, then say goodbye and walk away. At least this time you have closure and certainty." Siobahn sighed softly. "I'm sorry you have to go through this again, it must be hard... I can't even begin to imagine..."

"There are parts where I want to just brave it, and there's other parts where I just want to hole up in my quarters again and hide. From all this." Andrew said.

"Do you think that would make a difference?" Siobahn asked genuinely. "I mean, you can run away and hide, you don't have to see him again, you can stay in your quarters and not come out until you're ready, but really, will that actually change anything?" Her voice was gentle as she spoke, yet almost authoritative. "But if you don't want to see him again, you don't have to. I guess that's the beauty of being on this side of the rift, you don't have to embrace it."

"I have to say goodbye at least this time." Andrew said. "I just don't know what that's going to do to me after I do it."

"You don't have to do it alone," Siobahn said softly, reaching across the table and covering his hand with hers. "You know, no matter what, I'll be there for you. Just remember that, okay?" she said with a sad smile. "I know it isn't much, and it doesn't even begin to compare with what you're giving up, just remember you're not alone. Any time, day or night. That's what friends are for."

"I appreciate that." Andrew replied. "I guess I have to go get more time in with him. And then actually say goodbye."

"Then why are you sitting here with me?" Siobahn prodded gently. "Go, be with him. Make your memories and say goodbye. Come find me when you're done and we'll talk again, okay?" she said with a smile. "It will be okay, I promise."

"Sure." Gervais said. "I'll give you all the, uhh... details." he added. "Crappiest date I'll ever have." he said with a half smirk, trying to make at least a bit of light of this whole thing.

Siobahn laughed softly. "You'll be okay, I promise," she reassured. "I know it seems incredibly difficult that you're facing more goodbyes... I guess, just don't think of them as goodbyes? Maybe more 'see you next times'?" she said with a smile. "But just remember, no matter what, it will be okay."

Andrew nodded, feeling a bit reassured. "Deep breaths..."

Siobahn nodded. "Deep breaths, count to ten, don't make rash decisions... think about every contrite statement that has ever been made, wad them all up and throw them away and do what ever the hell your heart tells you... and then come back and know that it's over. Have your huzzah, and then walk away knowing he isn't your Paul and you aren't his Andrew. Just keep that in mind, okay?" She smiled, glancing at the door and nodding quickly. "It seems he's looking for you... go... have fun... and you know where to find me later."



=/\=

Ensign Siobahn Fallon
Medical Officer
USS Wellington

Ensign Andrew Gervais
Adjutant to the TFCO
Starfleet Command