Discourse of the Disgruntled

Posted on Mon Jan 28th, 2019 @ 9:45am by Lieutenant Commander Shaille Levine & Captain Charlotte Averis

Mission: https://wellington.pegasusfleet.site/index.php/sim/missions/id/5
Location: Guest Quarters

Eric sat on the small chair in the room, shifting his weight uncomfortably as he waited. It was the silence that did it. The silence hanging over him almost like an executioner's axe. For all he knew, that could be what was coming. Granted, it was frowned upon in the Federation, even in their war torn blood thirsty Federation, but he was the officer that deserted his post in the midst of the war.

He didn't know what had happened since, aside from the fact that he had been removed from the brig and isolated to guest quarters on the Wellington. He was not able to leave, and the only person who came to see him was that pretty little red headed medical officer who continually checked on his wellbeing, even though he hadn't actually been hurt in any way.

Now that was about to change. For the first time since he had left the Icarus, he was about to come face to face with Captain Averis.

He could feel the bile rising up in the back of his throat, his heart was racing and his entire body was starting to feel clammy.

Hearing the chime to his quarters, Eric shook his head, almost wanting to laugh at the absurdity of the action. He couldn't open his door even if he wanted to, but then again, at least they were announcing themselves instead of just barging on in. "Enter," he said as calmly as he could manage.

The doors slid open and the blonde security officer from the Wellington stepped through first before stepping aside to let Captain Averis through. "I'll be right outside if you need anything Captain," the security officer said genially before disappearing back through the doors.

Standing up slowly, Eric came to attention as he faced his Commanding Officer. "Captain Averis."

“Lieutenant Moran.” Charlotte replied simply, “Mind if I have a seat?” Yes, he was a prisoner on the Wellington, but the courtesies were still proper. When he gave the gesture of permission, she settled into one of the chairs, then took a breath, “Thank you. I have really one question that I think I know the answer to already: Why?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, wasn’t even interrogatory, just curious.

Eric sank back onto the small chair he had previously occupied. He had known these questions would likely be coming, but even with all the practice he had had at answering them, he still stayed silent for a long moment, leaning forward, wringing his hands together as he contemplated. "Twelve years," was the first thing he said. "For twelve years I have done my duty and watched as the Shalti came in and destroyed everything, took away everyone... I have signed death certificates for people I have served with since the academy... I have held people I have loved as they took their last breath, all because of the damned Shalti. I can't do it any more." There was no hostility in his voice, if anything he sounded worn.

“I can understand that.” Charlotte said softly, “My family, my entire family, was on Earth when the Shalti invaded Sol, they didn’t get out. Commander Setine lost his entire squadron in the first engagement with them that we had survivors from and I don’t know how many of his pilots he’s lost since then But they’re why we’re still fighting, why we have to win. But not all of us can handle it and there’s no shame in that. Everyone has a breaking point, but most of the time, we don’t have the luxury of being able to do anything about it.” She sighed, “Do you have any family left?”

He shook his head, standing up and walking across to the replicator, ordering himself a coffee. "Do you want a drink or anything?" he asked, clearly stalling for time.

"Coffee, please, black but with two sugars?" She requested.

Returning to the chair with the drinks, he handed hers across to her. "Most of my family was on Sol. My brother and his family were on the Vanguard when it was destroyed, Elise, Lieutenant Kinski, was the last. She was my fiance. She was killed in the last Shalti attack. Hers was the last death certificate I signed."

Charlotte cringed at that, "I'm really sorry to hear that." She said very quietly. She'd had a fiance once, a long time ago, but that hadn't worked out in the end and she wasted some time by taking a sip of her own coffee, then another, longer one as she found it was cooling rather quickly, then very gently placed the cup down on the low table, "You don't want to do it anymore." She repeated what he'd said, "What do you want to do?"

He shrugged slightly before drinking from his coffee. "Honestly, I don't know. Some moments I think I should go back, maybe this time it'll be different, then I think about what's already happened, how many people I've seen die, for no reason. I think that's what gets to me the most, it isn't just the death, it's the fact that it's needless death. So many people dying that shouldn't be." He sipped the coffee again. "Then I think I'm right to walk away, to go find somewhere nice and quiet, free from war and devastation and just live out my days."

“Like here, in this universe.” Charlotte finished, despite it only having had been a couple days, even she half wished she could stay in the relative peace of this place. But she had her own duties she felt she HAD to perform, Talking to some of the people here on the Wellington, it’s not quite a cake walk, but it’s virtually a paradise in comparison. Do you want to stay here?” She most often was nothing but direct, like now.

"On this ship? No." His answer was simple. "In this reality, I don't know. Maybe..." He finished his coffee and set the mug aside, running his fingers through his short dark hair. "It isn't like the Shalti have left anything for me to return to."

Charlotte nodded in acknowledgement, "With the experience you've had, I have no doubt that you would be able to retire without an issue and make it in a private practice here without an issue. But officially? If you want to stay, I'll sign off on it. I know the Captain here was going on about possibly granting you asylum even without my permission, but I think it would be easier if I just gave you the option." She paused for a moment, "Do you know anyone else who would be tempted by an offer to remain?"

Eric looked across at her, his gaze level. "Would you want to walk into that and stay there with no way back?" he asked quietly. "Who do you have left in medical?" he finally asked, almost hesitantly.

"Nobody." Charlotte's answer was honest, "I thought you'd been lost too, to be honest, sickbay took a direct hit and the report said no survivors. But Icarus isn't going anywhere after we hit that hive, except back to base. And we'll be rendezvousing with Admiral Hunter's task group right after as well, so we'll get medical support soon enough."

Eric looked down at his hands, knotted together, fingers entwined. He wasn't a complete ass and even he knew that any amount of time a ship in that reality was left without a medical officer would be detrimental to the crew's welfare. "I'll go back," he said quietly. "I'll stay long enough for you to get reinforcements, then I will resign my post and go somewhere else."

"I'm going to propose something to Captain Bartlett, ask if there are any volunteers to go back permanently to our side of things, we might get some medical personnel from that and you could stay." Charlotte smiled at the officer's bravery, "There isn't anywhere to go on our side, nowhere remotely safe."

"There's always somewhere," Eric replied calmly. 'If no one from here goes back, I will. Regardless of circumstance, I won't leave you without a medical officer."

"Until we find out one way or the other, I'm going to see if I can get Captain Bartlett to take you off of quarters arrest." Charlotte stood from the chair and extended her hand, "Everyone has a bad day, makes decisions they regret. I don't hold it against you, Lieutenant, knowing what you've been through? I'm surprised we haven't had more issues like this before."

Eric shook his head slightly. "You don't need to plead my case. I accept my punishment, at least for the moment." He stopped wringing his hands and looked across at her. "Captain, you should know, I'm not the only one. I mean, there are plenty of others who are nearing, if not at breaking point. I saw a way out, I took it. I'm not proud of my choices, and if I had thought more rationally I probably wouldn't have done it. I had no intention of attempting to shame or disgrace anyone, least of all you or the Icarus. But the war is taking its toll on everyone. Even you."

"I know." Charlotte admitted, "But I'm not going to let it get me until it's over, or I'm dead, whichever one comes first. I can't give up, can't stop, it's just not in me."

"Captain, with all due respect, it might not be in you, but what about the rest of your crew?" he asked calmly, not daring to actually look across at her. "What about what they want? What they need?"

The Captain didn't answer right away, but looked back at him, "That's a complicated question. My job really isn't to care, it's to make sure everyone does their duty and to do whatever I need to do to make sure we succeed with the fewest casualties possible. I know it sounds bad, but command isn't easy, it's a fine line to walk. But in the end, it's not a democracy, it's not a popularity contest, no military can be either of those. When this is all over? Then I can really give more than a half a good goddamn and show it." She paused for a few heartbeats, "But I do care more than you think, I just can't show it, not yet."

"Well, for your sake, I hope it's worth it," was his only response.

"Me too, Lieutenant." Charlotte nodded, "I'll let Captain Bartlett know that in my eyes, you're free to go. Good day, Lieutenant Moran."

Eric nodded slightly. "Thank you Captain. I appreciate it."

=/\=

Captain Charlotte Averis
Commanding Officer
USS Icarus


Lieutenant Eric Moran
Medical Officer
USS Icarus