Lets Stop Meeting Like This!

Posted on Wed Mar 28th, 2018 @ 10:16pm by Lieutenant JG Siobahn Fallon & Gunnery Sergeant Ami Rori

Mission: https://wellington.pegasusfleet.site/index.php/sim/missions/id/4
Location: Somewhere
Timeline: Sometime

Despite the fact that she was supposed to return to sickbay, Siobahn found herself wandering aimlessly through the ship, not entirely sure where she was going or what she was going to do. No matter how much she tried to pretend that she wasn't bothered by it, the fact that Hailey was now off the Wellington and on her way into Cardassian space left her feeling very on edge.

With a sigh she stopped, looking around the corridor to determine where she was, realising quickly that she had, without even intending, followed the path she usually took to Hailey's quarters. She hesitated momentarily, twisting her braid around her fingers before she shook her head and turned on her heel. Going to Hailey's quarters now was not the right thing to do, she was definitely better off going back to her own quarters instead.

Turning on her heel and heading back along the corridor the way she had come, a look of surprise crossing her face as Ami rounded the corner ahead of her.

"Ami..." she exclaimed with surprise. "I thought you were leaving with the others!"

The Trill shook her head slowly, "Hailey took some of the others with a different set of skills. Don't get me wrong, I can handle jungle terrain all day and all night, but she wants to test out Nyx on this one. I'm just here to hold down the fort while she's gone." Ami gestured towards the direction Siobahn had been going, then walked with her, "A bit nervous?" She asked.

Siobahn shrugged slightly, then laughed nervously. "That obvious, huh?" she asked with a wry smile. "I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to this. Stupid isn't it?"

"Not at all." Ami smiled, "You just said it, you're not used to this. Me? I know that what she's doing is about oh... A two on the overall danger scale out of ten. As long as she can get to the rendezvous undetected, she's in very little danger and if they are detected, better than even chance they get out all right. Hailey's damned good at this, but I understand the need to worry, not just the matter itself. In fact, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't worry about this."

Stopping in her tracks, Siobahn turned to face Ami, a strange expression on her face. "Ami," she said quietly "Please don't try and placate me." She sighed and reached up, grabbing her braid and twisting it slightly. "Sorry, I don't mean to be snappy.. I just.. I don't know." Pausing, she looked up at Ami and made a vague attempt at a smile. "It's all well and good for everyone else to say it's easy and it's not a problem. I know first hand life isn't always like that."

"Take it from someone who's been in the military for just about five hundred years, then?" Ami chuckled, "Hon, I've been everything from a midshipman on an honest to the gods ocean sailing ship to an Admiral in the Trill Navy before the Federation was even a glimmer in its momma's eye. I've been one of the elite in the Corps for nigh on about eighty years now? With a couple breaks due to aging and all with my host body." She gently placed a hand on Siobahn's shoulder, "And I've written some letters I never wanted to write. But, more importantly right now, about a hundred forty years ago I chose a young woman named Terie who had a hankering for getting to know people and became a counselor for a lifetime." She guided Siobahn back up to a very slow walk, "So, tell me, what's really going through your head?"

She shook her head quickly. "I promised Hailey I wasn't going to come between her and her work," she said softly. "And I do actually mean it. I know how much this means to her which is why I walked away." Siobahn resumed the path to her own quarters. "She needs to do what's in her heart."

"But what's in yours?" Ami asked, not waiting for an answer, a gentleness in her voice, "You might not believe it, but I bet she cares about what's in there just as much as what she does. In just a few days, I've seen one of the most remorseless soldiers turn into what a lot of others would call a softy. I'm not degrading her or anything, just pointing out fact. She's actually being careful with her training rather than throw herself into it and damn the consequences. She's not actively searching for operations, this one is personal for her and we were the closest team that was relatively ready for a minor operation like this." She'd remained at Siobahn's side, no more than an inch away the entire time, but not touching her again, "I think if it had been another job, she would have passed on it."

With another shake of her head, Siobahn again forced a smile. "What I think isn't relevant," she said quietly. "This is about Hailey and what she wants and needs. She needs to do this, I know that, it's in her blood, and no matter what she says I know that." She shrugged slightly and paused for a long moment not sure if she should speak or not, especially to Ami, given that no matter how much Siobahn craved the friendship, there was always the fact that Ami was part of Hailey's crew.

"Nu uh." Ami said instantly and with a grin, "When she gets back, ask her about it. I'm a pretty good judge of character, or at least I should be, and I know someone who has lost their edge when I see them. Don't get me wrong, she's sharp, she won't make mistakes, but she's not 'in the groove' anymore, sees she has too much to lose. No, don't blame yourself, she doesn't I can guarantee it.But do you know what she's been through? In the Corps? Before the Corps? I was the field shrink for her teams for a few years and I know her demons. She expected that she'd go through life putting it all on the line again and again and finally the odds would catch up to her. To her, it was worth it, so people with real families wouldn't have to deal with it."

Siobahn stopped walking, her eyes widening with concern. "But I don't want to distract her from what she's doing," she said quietly. "And if she's not 'on the ball' then maybe I need to just walk away..." She drew a sharp breath and shook her head. "I don't want to take her away from what she loves, that has never, ever been my intention..."

"The only way you'll do that, my dear, is if you walk away now." Ami turned and look into Siobahn's eyes, "If you just up and walk away, she's going to not only throw herself back into things, but go more aggressive and take on more dangerous missions while having slipped farther from the edge than she already is. We are all a sum of our parts and when a new part of our lives comes in, it changes who we are at some level, usually more than one. If I were to ask her to choose between Raiders and you? She'd choose you in a heartbeat. Why? Because you mean more to her. Oh don't get me wrong, if orders came for an operation that needed her, she'd go and do a damned good job, so long as it doesn't involve losing YOU. The difference now is that she cares more about whether she lives or dies. Take you out of that picture?" The Trill shook her head.

"But I don't want her to choose," Siobahn replied quietly. "It is not my place to take her away from what she knows and loves." She sighed softly, hesitating, clearly struggling as to how much she should divulge or not.

"By the seven Rings..." Ami sighed, "Don't you get it, hon? She loves YOU. Don't get me wrong, she's loyal to the Federation, completely, utterly, but she loves you. And you wanna know something? Thank the gods. She deserves someone like you in her life, not old war-horses like me." She gestured to the still youngish body that could have passed as a model.

Siobahn drew in a sharp breath and shook her head quickly. "Ami, you don't get it," she replied quietly. "I am so very, very different from every single thing about her. I am not a risk taker, I'm not confident or outgoing... don't get me wrong, I can fake it when I have to, but she and I have nothing at all in common. I very nearly told her tonight, it was right there on the tip of my tongue and I didn't say it... because it wasn't what she needed to hear." Siobahn's voice had rose steadily with her words until she caught herself and took a deep breath, fighting back her own emotions. "I don't know that I am what she needs now."

"When a ship, a real sailing ship, is hunkering down in a cove to ride out a real nasty storm, what is the most important thing they need? An anchor. The ship risks itself on the open ocean, knowing it can kill them at any time, but the anchor is always there to provide support, stability when the storm comes." Ami shook her head, "If your concern is only that you don't think SHE needs you right now, what about you? Do YOU need her?" Ami let that question sit for only a second, "Answer this one question, then if you want, I'll leave you alone... Siobahn, do you love Hailey?"

Biting her bottom lip, Siobahn nodded, not really trusting herself to speak. After a long moment of not speaking, Siobahn finally took a step back and looked away, not trusting herself to speak initially. Finally, she looked up at Ami, every emotion clearly being worn on her sleeve. "Ami, I love her with every fiber of my being, I can't imagine a single moment I don't have her in my life, but I can't tell her that. I nearly did tonight, but I don't do emotional blackmail, and she was leaving..." her voice trailed off before she finally finished by saying... "I don't think she would have heard me even if I had tried."

"That, I don't know." Ami admitted, "As I said, this mission is personal for her, involves getting someone out who this ship's company thought was dead. For anything less, she would have dropped everything, probably on me, to stay with you. And you know something? I'd have understood and done it with a smile. I'm not going to ask you to promise this, but just keep in mind... Find some time to tell her. It might not be when she gets back, it might not be for quite a while, but you'll know when the time is right. I'm ALWAYS here to talk, whether like this, informally, or in a more formal setting. The only way you two won't work out is if one of you doesn't try."

"Ami," Siobahn sighed softly and reached for her braid again. "Do you have any idea what it's like to lose everyone you have ever loved within a few weeks? she asked softly. She paused and sighed softly. "I don't think even Hailey has actually taken any of this on board.. I lost everyone I have ever loved within a few weeks, and with that, I lost everything that was holding me back from who I really was. Hailey is the first, and only person I have ever loved.. and I love her with everything I have." She took a deep breath before speaking again. "But it isn't my place to try and change her."

"Then don't try to change her." Ami said softly, "If she's going to change, let her change herself, you just be there for her when she does. We are all always changing, there is nothing more certain in this universe." She smiled sadly, "And for me, maybe not within a few weeks, but twenty-two times I've lost everyone I've loved, cut off from them by the protocols that come with Changing Hosts or by watching them age and die as I live on. Hailey has never had someone to love, that loves her. This is virgin territory for her, no ability for reconnaissance, she has to play it by ear. It's something she has to learn that I can't help her with, only you can."

Siobahn thought for a long moment before replying. "I'm not you Ami," she said quietly pausing and holding her breath as she leaned back against the bulk head and looking across at the trill, trying very hard to mask her true feelings. Finally after a long moment she smiled sadly. "I love Hailey, I love her with all my heart and soul, and every fibre of my being. In a very short time she has become my one, my only and my everything... but so help me I can't tell her that." Siobahn paused again, hesitating nervously for a moment before she continued. "You have several hundred years of experience. I don't have that. I only have my life and even then I have spent a large part of my life being made to feel like I was not enough. No matter how much I love her, i can't tell her not to be who she is, and I know that's who she is. She might not remember it, but that was the night I fell i love with her, and the night I swore I would never make her be less than she is."

Siobahn smiled again, somewhat sadly. "I can only be who I am. I am not a marine, I am not a soldier, I am not even really a fleet officer yet... and I'm afraid the day will come where she will realise that I'm not enough for her." Siobahn hesitated momentarily and then shrugged. "I don't want her to try and change who she is out of a misguided sense of obligation because of a few words."

"As I said, hon, everyone changes, whether from thing or the other and none of us have a say in them. She's going to be who she is no matter if you tell her you love her or not." Ami chuckled, "And the fact that you aren't a soldier, or a marine, nor even a 'real' fleet officer yet as you put it, holds another attraction for her. Well, the soldier and marine bit at least. It means she doesn't have to worry about losing you to an errant shot on some nameless field of battle."

"It doesn't matter right now anyway, she's not here," Siobahn responded, pushing herself away from the bulkhead and resuming her walk toward the nearest turbolift. "All I can do now is wait until she comes back."

Ami followed next to her, "Keep telling yourself it doesn't matter, hon." She chuckled slightly, "You've got the shit end of the stick, having to wait for her to come back back to you. It's probably the absolute worst thing to go through, believe me. But if you need someone to talk to who knows the business she's in and how to cope with it, deal with it or even to tell Hailey you don't want to be with her? I'm available basically whenever, all right?"

"Of course I want to be with Hailey!" Siobahn exclaimed, looking at Ami in horror. "It's just... just..." she turned her hand back and forth, almost as though she were tossing something around as she continued walking. After a few more steps, she stopped walking. "Oh my God, this is absolutely flippin' ridiculous!" she exploded. "What the hell is wrong with me! I can have all the confidence in the world until she walks into my life and now I second guess every thing! I can jump out of a plane for fun and not feel even the slightest bit of hesitation, but I can't turn around to my girlfriend and tell her I love her, even though it's the honest to goodness truth. At the moment, to be honest, I am not even sure she will want me when she comes back. Want to know how pathetic I was? I didn't even really say goodbye.. I just kind of walked out on her." Siobahn paused for a moment, her eyes widening with realization. "Oh God..."

Ami stepped up and wrapped Siobahn into a gently, friendly, hug, at odds with the uniform she wore and just how she carried herself, "Don't worry about that. You've already said that you're not used to this, the sudden departure of someone you care about. She's focused on the mission and she wanted to see you before she had to leave. You know, even if she hadn't asked me to keep you safe, I would have done so anyways. As I said, I can read her like a book, well, at least like a book I've skipped chapters in." She stepped back again, "She's new to this, too."

"So that's why you stayed behind, to babysit me?" Siobahn raised an eyebrow slightly as she asked before shaking her head quickly. She sighed and looked across at Ami. "Why is this all so difficult? Why can't it just be easy for once?"

With a laugh, Ami shook her head, "I was left behind to babysit nine other marines and to keep you safe in the process. You're the most adult part of this job, the others are like dealing with kids, keep them in line and they'll behave, but don't keep them busy and they'll find trouble, like the three that got into a brawl in the lounge." She grinned, "But it gets easier, well, usually."

"I hope so," Siobahn replied quietly. "Because if it doesn't, I may quite possibly go slightly mental..."

"Hon, to love someone like Hailey, you have to be slightly mental." Ami patted Siobahn on the shoulder, "I'm most certainly mental, but the gods test those the most, who they love best."

"I think I am going to have to tell her..." Siobahn said slowly, almost hesitantly. "How long do you think they'll be gone for?"

"Call it between three days and a week. It really all depends on how long it takes when they're on the ground to effect repairs on a friendly ship. As easy and safe as a Raider mission can get. And even in a forested area, providing cover and well... Nyx is quite at home in one, grew up fighting in them, so she was a good pick over me. She'll likely be the primary sentry and she knows how to deal with scouts quickly and quietly, no shooting required to be picked up by sensors. Hailey's gonna be safe."

"Things go bad often enough when things are good without going looking for trouble," Siobahn replied softly. "This much I do know."

Ami's eyes brightened with a hungry light to them, "I pity the ones who run across a Raider team and call it lucky of them. When things go bad for one of our teams, they go worse for those who run across them."

With a shake of her head, Siobahn grimaced. "I will never understand you marines," she replied. "You get excited by the strangest things!"

"Ohhh, it's not marines in general, just those of us insane enough to join the Raiders." Ami chuckled, "Normal Marines are far more tame and humble."

"Thank you Ami," Siobahn replied with a slight smile, "For listening to me carry on... You didn't have to, but I appreciate it."

"Did it help at all?" Ami asked, getting a tiny nod in return, "Then there was no inconvenience at all. I'm around whenever you need me. And, let me know when you're ready for your next lesson?"

"When ever you like," Siobahn replied with shrug. "Apparently I have nothing but time on my hands for up to the next week."

"Then we'll set it for tomorrow?" Ami chuckled, "We'll get your frustrations out, don't worry."

"Just let me know the time and I'll be there," Siobahn replied with a nod. "Comfy boots, right?"

Ami smiled slyly, the plans for the next morning changing even as she nodded, "Oh yes, comfy boots indeed."

"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you then!" Siobahn smiled and waved slightly. "Thanks again Ami," she said before heading off along the corridor back in the general direction of sickbay.


=/\= USS Wellington =/\=

Ensign Siobahn Fallon
Concerned Girlfriend Being Abandoned
USS Wellington

Gunnery Sergeant Ami Rori
Temporary Marine Boss
USS Wellington