Comparing Notes

Posted on Wed Jan 2nd, 2019 @ 12:41pm by Lieutenant JG Siobahn Fallon & Ensign Andrew Gervais

Mission: https://wellington.pegasusfleet.site/index.php/sim/missions/id/5

Siobahn had no idea what time it was, something told her that there was no point even asking. If she did, chances are she wasn't going to like the answer. She was due on duty again in the morning, yet sleep tonight was definitely not going to be her friend. It had been at least a couple of hours since she had left the aft lounge, but she had no desire to return to her quarters, she was still trying to make sense of the information overload in her mind.

Glancing up, trying to work out where she had wandered off to, she saw Andrew walking down the corridor toward her and smiled slightly. "Couldn't sleep either huh?"

"About as well as one might expect when their ex shows up after being dead for 3 months." Andrew replied. "There's so much going on...."

"Come on, lets go get a hot chocolate," Siobahn replied, linking her arm through his and steering him in the direction of the mess hall.

It was only after they were seated, warm drinks in hand, that Siobahn finally stopped and just watched Andrew for a long moment. "I know it's confronting to have him suddenly just reappear, but you know he isn't *your* Paul, right?"

"I know." Andrew said a bit sadly. "I know he isn't, and yet... There's still so much about him that I know. I'm not *his* Andrew, either. But I just.... I wish I could put into words right this second to try and explain how I feel... But I'm just so confused and ecstatic and terrified all at the same time."

"I know," Siobahn said quietly. "So just word. It doesn't have to make sense. Just say what's on your mind, no matter what it is."

Andrew sipped his hot chocolate and looked downward at the table. "Even the illusion of having him there is comforting to me. I mean what are the odds that in another reality, him and I had the same kind of relationship? He lost me just as I lost him, and... It's like it's now kind of fixed but it also isn't."

"But what happens when their ship goes back where it came from and we go onto the next mission and you're both apart again?" Siobahn asked quietly. "I mean, you've lost him once, and he's lost you once. Can you lose each other a second time?"

"Maybe he doesn't have to go back. Or maybe I could join him." Gervais replied. "Commodore Myers could find someone else to do his filing."

Siobahn stopped, her hands tightening around the mug, feeling the warmth spread through her fingers as she mulled silently over his words. Finally, after a long moment, she looked across at him. "Do you really think you might?" she asked quietly. "Andrew, do you really think you could walk away from everything here and go to a time line you know nothing about?" There was nothing derogatory to her question, just simple innocence and curiosity.

"I don't know." Andrew replied. "I mean... Of course there's things that I'd miss, but... I don't know whether it would be a fair trade off or not. I just know that seeing Paul made me the happiest I've felt in months."

Nodding slowly, Siobahn sipped at her mug, contemplating on his response. "You know, it's probably a really irresponsible thing to say, but you should do what ever makes you happy," she finally replied quietly. "Nothing in life is guaranteed, especially not tomorrow, so if you find something that makes you happy, you should grab it with both hands and hold onto it tightly because tomorrow it might all be gone."

Impulsively, she leaned forward, covering his hand with hers and squeezing it gently and smiling. "Thanks Andrew, believe it or not, you've actually helped me answer my own questions."

"Your own questions?" he asked. "How so?"

"Whether or not I should play Alice and go on through the looking glass," Siobahn replied with a slight shrug. "Let's just say you aren't the only one who had an offer to go to the other side."

"Really??" he asked "From who?" He was a bit intrigued by this. Was this even a possibility?? There's surely no way they would allow a transfer.

Siobahn laughed softly. "You of all people will appreciate the irony in this," she said, shaking her head slightly. "In the other reality, he is my husband and the father of my children." She sighed. "I don't know... it's tempting, there is that small part of me that wants to know what it's like... the loving relationship, the family, the everything... it's everything I don't have now... but it would mean giving up Hailey."

Andrew sighed, sipping his drink. "Decisions, decisions. If my parents knew I was even considering this, they'd say no way. I don't even think Paul's parents would approve."

"I guess that's the advantage of being alone, at least in this universe," Siobahn replied with a shrug. "No one to care. I mean, apparently my entire family is alive over there, just not me." She shook her head slightly. "I don't know... I mean, it's tempting, it really is... there is so much I so desperately crave that I can get just by following a whim and going through the magic portal... but who's to say it's any better? Who's to say the tides won't turn once we get there? I mean, what if you follow Paul back there and once you're there he dies all over again." She sighed and stared at the mug in her hands. "And I honestly don't know if I could leave Hailey. She's part of who I am here, and if that is who I am, and I make myself fundamentally change by following them, would I ever really be happy?"

"I mean... do we know if we can't come back?" he asked

"I could be wrong, but I think the plan that was discussed was to send the Icarus back to where they came from, give them the help we can in the interim, and then find a way to close the rift," Siobahn replied. "So likely anyone who goes over is going on a one way ticket."

Andrew pondered that... It wasn't quite what he had in mind and yet... There was a lot going through his head... "One way ticket... Well.. that's not as reassuring as I thought... But I don't feel as helpless with him around. Maybe I could convince him to stay here or something... I don't know."

"I can't even begin to comprehend the paperwork nightmare that that would be. I mean, essentially, you'd be bringing someone back from the dead... I wonder how Starfleet Command would react if they suddenly got an influx of requests to resurrect dead officers... It would make for some interesting explanations and conversations, wouldn't it?" Siobahn turned the mug in her hands, staring at the hot chocolate inside as it swished around before offering a wry smile. "Thinking about the nightmarish logistics is easier than thinking about the actual difficult decisions that need to be made."

"God, can you imagine?" He asked. "Yeah, we know we said they were dead, but... It's complicated." Andrew said. "Say nothing of what Temporal Affairs would say."

"Honestly, I think Temporal Affairs would be the least of the issues." Siobahn shook her head. "Come on, walk me back to my quarters. I need to try and get at least some sleep, if I keep trying to live on coffee I'll have a heart attack before I turn 25. If you aren't seeing Paul again tomorrow, want to catch up after work? We can talk more."

"Sure" Andrew said as he joined her.

=/\=

Ensign Siobahn Fallon
Medical Officer
USS Wellington

Ensign Andrew Gervais
Adjutant to the TFCO
Starfleet Command